"this emotion was such a tangle of pain and rage and desire and despair. the wild envy for whoever this boy preferred to him suddenly put a name into my unnamed emotion. i was jealous..."
I realized that it's an impasse. So, I surrendered about denying on my "obsession". The persons around me are as shocked as I am. I felt their amusement on that issue knowing that I'm not the typical girly-girl. And their amusement arouses every time they see my reaction each moment they tease me about that. I admit it, I got a weird and funny reaction regarding to that subject. Well, I can't blame them. Like what I said before, it's sort of new to me. So I'm not used to my reactions and they all end up being funny.
Obsession is not the proper name for this thing if I don't think that's how I felt about it. I became more and more aware of that "obsession" to the point that I can see even the littlest details. Also, the lack of information drives me insane so I decided to take a little peek on this "obsession".It's just a little peek and I keep saying it with the manner of my speaking a little innocent-like. Believe me. I'm harmless. Or so I thought until I found out that my "obsession" has hots for someone he referred to as a girl whose cute and according to him "of course, beautiful". Suddenly, my hopes that's on it's highest peak (as high as the Mt. Everest) dropped down deeper than the Grand Canyon. *sigh. It's not so good to think about that someone already caught his eyes. And I think, she really caught his eyes literally. Because he even considered going to some places with some strangers just to get a glimpse of her. At that point, I got curious and I mean really curious who that girl is. There must have been very special in her that drives him in frenzy. And thanks to some sources, I find out who she is.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. Luckily, I know some. Let me use one. Holy Crap! The "witch". Yes, that's what I call her. Just think of what she's look like for me to call her that. I don't even see the slightest beauty on her. There's nothing noticeable about that "witch"" except her thick, lion-looking and electrocuted bush of hair. Okay, I know the story that Bella's just a plain looking girl but Edward find her the most beautiful person in the whole wide galaxy. *grunt. But the "witch" is far from plain looking one. She's ugly. I know it's rude to call someone ugly if you know by yourself that your not that good-looking. But I'm just telling the truth! I promise. Maybe, my "obsession" got a poor eyesight. Maybe poorer than mine. He badly needs glasses. And don't you dare say that I have the guts to find her ugly because I'm holding grudges or whatever. No, I know myself better. At least. But it's not the her physical appearance I find ugly; as well as her whole existence. From that "little peeking" on my "obsession", I found out that the "witch" rejected him not just once but twice. The "witch" doesn't have any right to reject someone for crying out loud!!! Still, he keep on ignoring those rejections and continue "courting" her. He's a hell of a pathetic nuts. My "obsession" became more and more of an emo guy because of her. I think, he's an emo since birth. I'm hurting every time I'm gonna see them together. It's just twice though. lucky for the "witch", I am not around when she come to my colleagues selling something and towing him. I don't know what am I gonna do when I'm around that time. I'm just a little idiot audience waiting for the next scene of their little annoying story. Hoping for a big unhappy ending and waiting to see the "witch" cry with all of her heart and soul and everything until her eyes swell in pain. And waiting for my "obsession" to find his way on admiring someone that's worth his affection so this jealousy will be minimize just like simply "wiping it away"...
Apr2k10
