I never thought I could make it this far. My plan is just to enter the first year just to say that I've experienced college. Little did I know, semesters come and go. At this point, I had a total of five. I thought during my sophomore days, I'll be the rebellious one I expect I will be. But am not. I'm still afraid to fail. Afraid to had people say something on my back. It's hard to convince myself that I'm still in denial after three years of denying! I've invested too much to step back now. Though I don't have enough capabilities to comply on what's needed. But who does? Maybe there are some. I may sound like a boasting bitch, but I know deep inside that although I don't feel a subject, I'm still capable to be good at it without even trying. See what I mean? I still sound like I'm selling myself with all this proud crap I'm telling. And by the way, who cares?
The time has come for the thing that I've been dreading when I think of college: thesis. I had the impression that thesis will be every students hell on earth. I must be right. I really think I am. The effort of coming up with the titles. Read: the available title. It's more of the "first come first serve" basis. The ideas you had must be yours first or at least must be publicly known that you are the first who come up with that. Worse is getting stuffs about it. Anything and everything about it. And to make it even worse, is to write those stuffs f-o-r-m-a-l-l-y. If they allow this "blog-type' kind of writing, maybe thesis will be a little enjoyable except that it really is not. I simply don't like formal stuffs. Ya know, those who always says that that should not be this or that. Maybe, they're not the first to implement that rule. Whoever he or she might be, I want him or her dead. Where's the liberty world? Where the hell is it? For heaven's sake! It's like making life so complicated when in fact, it is so simple. Why bother stressing yourselves and ruining mine too?! And the worst of all: defense. With all those formal outfits. That's my issue after all. The outfits. After all the time, effort and bloody bucks you've spent formulating and developing that title, they will ask you to dress-up like a sales representative and made you sell that title you got. If they like it, they will buy it and you'll be thankful to nines. If not, you will repeat the same old process with curses under your breath. As simple as that. *grunt* I just think that maybe it's easier to take a break. Leave of absence? Maybe. Leave of absence for good? A total bad idea. I realized that I am already an adult. I should act like one. I should think like one. I should live like one. I must stop being chimerical. And must live in a "real world"...
Oct2k10
